Tales of the Unexpected

Some of life's biggest, longest journeys can start without you ever realising that they're about to. You are totally unprepared for them. At 6.45 am on 23 April 2003, I was preparing myself for a journey. I thought that I might take my 18 month son to visit my mother and father in Wales. I wanted to leave London for a while and spend a few days up there surrounded by hills - it's so beautiful. I arose and started to pour a bath for myself, hoping to have a wash before Michael awoke.

The phone rang. "That'll be mum and dad now". I thought. Then, "It's a bit early. I hope everything's alright." Mario answered the phone and I could hear him talking downstairs. I could tell by the tone of his voice that something was not right. I walked downstairs. "Ruth's here now", he said. "No, you should tell her". And he asked me to sit down.

Mum then told me that my dad had died during the night. And I felt my self shatter into a million pieces...

Over time the pieces reassemble, but in a different way to how they were before. I miss dad hugely but I carry this sadness like a rucksack - it's on my back so that no-one can see it from the front, but I can feel its weight. And I am comfortable with its weight too. The wonder of a rucksack is that after a while, you barely notice that it is there.

So I did begin a journey on 23 April 2003. A journey that I have to take without the wit, wisdom, friendship and comfort of my wonderful dad. Except that I still feel his wit, wisdom, friendship and comfort every day. Thank goodness for that.